Dearest family and friends,
Well the Lord answers prayers. I have come to realize why the end of my mission has been such a battle. I think its a few things but first and fore most: The Lord answers my prayers. Ever since I left Barton Creek i have been praying that the Lord will help me become better and help me become the missionary that he wants me to be. I know we pray for that throughout our entire missions but my prayers have been a bit more fervent upon entering this area. The Lord has truly been answering my prayers. haha of course, it's not at all how I thought it would be but I am very grateful I am becoming better. I know I am because I can feel my inner strength coming back. After reaching quite a significant low a couple weeks ago, the Lord has been giving me strength to finish strong. Its all I want. I want so badly to stay out here forever and never stop. But that is not reality. The reality of it is that "To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven." - ecclesiastes 3:1
It's not how I wanted it but its what I wanted. I am very thankful the Lord hears and answers my prayers. Second, I have had to make some very tough internal decisions this past few transfers. They are truly the last few things I had been holding on to from my life before my mission. I understand so much more so how important it is to "submit to the Lord cheerfully." Lets be honest, I have never been good at submitting to anything cheerfully. Its just sad. I am working on it though.
I know the Lord sends comic relief when we are taking ourselves too seriously. For example: yesterday, upon walking into church, I turned to my companion and said "today is just one of those ugly days for me. I feel ugly. I still love myself but I feel ugly." My comp didn't say anything in response. I wasn't searching for compliments i just wanted to voice how I was feeling inside because COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO SOOOO MUCH HAPPINESS!!!!!!! -man I have a testimony of that. Anyways, about point two seconds later a man came up to me. This man's name is Charlie. Charlie came up to me when I first dyed my hair and told me how unnatural it looked and how he could it was unnatural. hahaha. It was really funny because everyone who heard him say that felt obligated to come up to me afterwords and tell me how good my hair looked. I told you that to provide a history for Charlie's and my interactions with one another. He is not all the way there. I stinkin love his honesty. He means it sincerely. He just doesn't understand when he is rude sometimes. So back to yesterday: Charlie comes up to me and says "you've cut your hair. Its no longer beautiful and long" hahaha I said "yup. I cut it Charlie." Charlie then says "well it was a lot prettier when it was longer. it was a lot more attractive." hahahahahahahahaahah he then spends the next five minutes telling me why its ugly and why it was a bad choice that I made. I just loved it so much. Truly. There was a black man sitting very close by us that was providing commentary to the whole thing. IT was like i was on candid camera or something. I could not stop laughing. It was right about at this time when the Elders from Charlie's ward showed up. i couldn't talk to them because i was being informed about how Native Americans (that he was a decedent of) never married women with red hair because it meant that they were possessed with a Devil spirit. hahahahaha oh my goodness it was such an amazing conversation. Charlie came back up to me about 3 or 4 times to tell me more about Indians and my "ugly" hair and what not. Charlie then went in for a hug right then and there. Finally the comenting black man came up and interrupted our conversation and asked Charlie if he could speak to me. When I turned to talk to him, The black man smiled and waved and walked away! hahahahahahahaahahhaahahhaah What in the world?! IT was sweet comic relief. Truly a tender mercy.
I want y'all to know that I am not trunky and I know it sounds like the opposite when I say that but its true. I have come to a very happy place with it all. I got the best comment yesterday from our ward mission leader. (everyone knows I am going home soon. I have no idea how but everyone does.) So he was asking me about it all and started to ask if I was trunky and then he stopped and said "no. You aren't the type of person to ever get trunky." Wow that made me feel good! BAngarang. I am in a happy place. Like I said before, a time and a season to all things.
I really miss y'all a lot. IT was fun to see pictures of Libbers. I miss her so much. I truly do with all my heart. I just want to transfer down to Brazil. I could be a missionary there. Maybe another mission? Who knows.
p.s. My comp and I met with Sister Jones and President this past week....lots of stuff going down....I love my President. He is inspired. Just another tender mercy.
p.s.s. if y'all wanted to call Billy that would be awesome and just tell her I love her. Maybe call anyone else and let them know I love them. Tell all my friends that have found eternal companions....gross. but good for them. :) NO just kidding. Tell them that I love them and am so happy for them. very very happy for them.
Life is hard but good. Life is fun but real. Life is life and you just have to take it one day at a time. If you can't take it a day, take it a moment. Break it down into manageable chunks. It's all about the moments anyways. One day I would love to have this mastered.
Love y'all always.